Tragic Woman
Here's one of my latest songs that I've been working on. It kind of has a Pink Floyd flow musically but I am not sure exactly what to use for a chorus. This song is kind of creepy and actually happened to a friend of mine while he was sitting on a park bench with the love of his life.
Saw your twilight eyes
Glisten from the stars at night
And your golden hair
Reflecting beams of moonlight
Didn't see the tears
Didn't hear your silent screams of pain
Didn't see the knife
As you cut into your vein
Thought we were as one
I gave my heart and soul to you
Of all the things we shared
You kept from me the truth
Now with crimson eyes
I watch you slowly fade away
You can have my heart
Please return my soul to me
Any suggestions and/or critiques will be appreciated.
Saw your twilight eyes
Glisten from the stars at night
And your golden hair
Reflecting beams of moonlight
Didn't see the tears
Didn't hear your silent screams of pain
Didn't see the knife
As you cut into your vein
Thought we were as one
I gave my heart and soul to you
Of all the things we shared
You kept from me the truth
Now with crimson eyes
I watch you slowly fade away
You can have my heart
Please return my soul to me
Any suggestions and/or critiques will be appreciated.
posted by Spinner at 12:53 PM
1 Comments:
its good but maybe im warped, it sounds kinda "teenage angst" to me. of course thats all i thought about as a teen. my initial reaction to the song was not morbid romance but "YOU BITCH!" ok now im confused... too many emotions crashing into eachother.
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