Monday, May 14, 2007

The hospital

I got the privilege of staying at one of the most luxurious(sarcasm)hospitals in my area. Even tho I have really great insurance and figured they would have billed my company to the hilt, they chose to place me in a room with 4 beds. What this means is that no one gets any rest because someone is always in need of something and they are not quiet about letting the nurses know. I will spare you the gory details of the first 4 days with the senior with uncontrollable bowels and bladder that left the most unpleasant smell, usually at dinner time.
Then there was the patient who seemed to think that whenever a nurse was in the room for someone that he was obligated to scream out, really really loud, that he would like assistance too for whatever reason. Whether it was to get a glass of water or adjust his pillow or some other meaningless task. The funny part is that he moved around just fine when he thought no one was looking.
In one of the other beds was the guy who never moved or said anything, just laid there with his mouth wide open and snoring loud enough to wake the dead. I hear I can snore loud too so it is possible I got even with him. After a couple nights, they moved Romeo, as I like to call him, into the bed next to me. He was visited by his wife and kids for a couple hours. After they left, he turned on his cell phone and proceeded tp get calls all night til about 3 in the morning when I finally opened the curtain and requested he give it a rest. They should have a rule that bans cells after a certain time in the rooms but they don't. I have to admit it was fun listening tho. Same conversations to different women with his wife calling in between and asking who he'd been talking to as she has been trying to get through. I had to laugh. I think it was my 4th or 5th night there, we had the guy looking for a law suit. He kept telling them that no one new what the "F" they were doing and he was going to sue. Of course he new what medication he should have better than the doctors. Any way, later that night, about 2 a.m, he started yelling that he was going to sue the Mother F's and pulled out his IV and was storming down the hall. I could hear him for at least five minutes as he was still cursing while waiting for the elevator. He was replaced by the guy who knew everything about everything and talked non-stop. Nobody had to even be listening for him to talk which was usually the case.

While most of my stay was okay, my first 2 days were without food or water. This was in part to them trying to decide if I was going to have surgery right away or not. Finally they decided against it until a later date. On the 3rd day they put me on a liquid diet but neglected to tell me that I needed to call the cafeteria and tell them which liquids I preferred. Needless to say that once I found out I could have broth and jello among other tasty things like lemon sorbet(ewwwyuchh) but had missed my chance because they didn't tell me I had to order, I sort of copped an attitude. They brought me ice chips and I told them to take them away. I may as well starve with the service they were providing. Granted it was a short lived attitude, but it was long enough for one of the nurses to get an attitude towards me. I hadn't eaten in 5 days including the 3 days previous to be hospitalized and would assume that she could've been a little more understanding. You all know how it works when you assume tho. Oh well, on the flip side, once I did get to eat real food,(day 5) it was actually pretty good, except the grilled chicken. I don't think it was grilled at all. I could go into more details but when you think about it, you probably hate hospitals as much as I do and could probably care less. In closing all I have to say is that if you have to stay in a hospital, beg, plead, whatever it takes, to get a private room. You'll thank me for it later.


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You Are 87% Grown Up, 13% Kid
Your emotional maturity is fully developed, and you have an excellent grasp on your emotions. In fact, you are so emotionally mature - you should consider being a therapist!
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